Kris LeDonne 0:43

​Welcome back to Picture Love, friends. I'm so grateful that you are here. Today, I was reminded of... You know... Okay, let me rewind Have you ever been in the presence of somebody you love so much, somebody you are extremely intimately connected with? I d- I don't, I don't mean romantically, I mean your hearts... You know each other, and you're sharing from your heart, and you know they're not listening to a single word you're saying. And it doesn't mean that they don't care. It just means that they are not plugged in and present. I'm sorry. I'll, I'll try to keep my laughter to a minimum. Uh, this is my acknowledgement of I'm guilty of doing that, but I'm... I, I notice it more when it's being done to me. True. I guess that's part of the human nature. Well, that moment of frustration and knowing, I was able to kind of zoom out and just observe that's what was happening, and this time it didn't make me angry. This time I was just more aware of it. And for some reason, a memory from many years ago, going back probably 20 years, uh, of a wonderful experience I had with a physician, and usually going to the family doctor is not something that, like, m- I boast about, you know? It's not an exciting part of my day. Um, but in this case, it was an impactful memory, and that was that this was the, I have to say, the only doctor I've ever had my entire life who looked at me and said, "Kris, how are you?" And he shut his mouth, and he sat there, and he gave me eye contact, and he waited for me to speak. Now, this was not a psychiatrist. This was not a counselor. This was not a coach. This was a medical professional who sat still and listened. And I can't say I've ever experienced that. Uh, anyway, I digress. The next moment, I shocked myself because I exploded into a river of tears, a- and I didn't go with anything other than just a routine exam in mind. But I was so impacted, so profoundly affected by this professional watching me, seeing me, and hearing me and being 100% present with me as far as I knew. I wasn't used to that. And, you know, as, as a former teacher, like I was, I was actively teaching public school music class at the time, and everything's about getting the-- keeping the class on task, and that means that they're paying attention. And as a music teacher, I had way more tricks in my bag than maybe a math teacher. I don't know. That's how I felt. But all I had to do was like a rhythm or a song or put something on or get people moving or play an instrument and, and I had people's attention. But I did not have to perform to get this doctor's attention. He ha- he gave me the gift of being seen. He gave me the gift of being heard. And when I couldn't explain my tears, he asked questions, and they were caring questions. They weren't probing. I wasn't under the microscope. I was a human being seen by another human And I'll be honest, that, that is one of my new old inspirations behind finally taking a chance on myself and launching something I have wanted for a very long time. And you'll be hearing more about that in weeks to come. But this community that I, I wanna build is one that I wanna be part of, and I wanna pay it forward. The way I felt seen and heard and cared about, I wanna make that a normal part of people's day. So if that sounds like something that you wanna be part of, you wanna be the one truly mastering how to listen and how to see, and I don't mean putting you in a classroom. I just mean in the presence of other caring people who want to see and listen, and want to be seen and heard. And want to be as weird as they need to be with total complete unconditional acceptance and love. That's the space I am giving myself by building it, and I'm inviting anybody who's smiling, whose heart is fluttering, whose curiosity is piqued and saying, "Oh, I want that too," that, that is your invitation, because the doors are open now. But i'm here to share some other reflections on how this, this thought process has been expanding for me. So as a kid growing up, I watched game shows on TV with my family. I don't remember exactly what time of day, but I remember the game shows on TV were a regular occurrence in my house growing up. And I'm so happy that two of these games are still well-known and still ticking. The first one is The Price Is Right. The second one I wanna mention is Wheel of Fortune. And I'll get to the newer one in a minute. And the reason that, that I bring these up is just the analogy of being in a noisy room where everybody is talking and nobody's listening. Yeah? So on the game show The Price Is Right, people would go in these elaborate costumes and these ridiculous getups and wear funny signs and do all kinds of things, I guess, to get the producer's attention so that they would get picked to be contestants in the show. And if, if this is old news, just stay with me for a minute. And for those who are not, not aware, this is quite a culture. Google it, The Price Is Right. And the, the audience is always, always loud. They're shouting, uh, their feedback. They're trying to get chosen or support their family and friends who got chosen as contestants and competitors. And the contestants get called up to these little podiums where they get to make their guess on what they think the closest price is to whatever the prize is on the stage. And the one who gets the closest without going over gets to go up on stage and compete for more prizes. And it's fun, and it's loud, and it's ridiculous, and it's weird, and I think that's part of what makes it so wonderful. And as a kid, I thought that any day was a great day for dress-ups. So Halloween was fun, but dress-ups were part of my every day. So I guess my inner child really related to The Price Is Right and still does. Where I'm going with this is it is a really loud, fun show, and there is a lot of fun in being loud and weird and playful and, and just all that excitement. But I'm finding that more and more of the same noise is carrying into everyday life more than ever. I, I think we have the internet to thank for a lot of that, and of course social media and apps, and we're, we're so, uh, connected to information, right? That it makes, it makes all the information that our brains experience in a day much louder than when I was growing up without the internet. And where I'm going with this is sometimes I'm in a room with just two or three people, and I don't feel heard. I might as well be in the audience with all of these screaming contestants. Have you ever felt that way? So while I think there's a lot of fun to being noisy, I think that there's a need to also honor and embrace and seek out the quiet within. And I, I think as humans, we need, we crave the fun, and the fun can be loud, but the fun can also be the peaceful quiet inside. And so that's why I think The Price Is Right is perfect in small portions. But could I have it playing in my room all day long every day? I, I think it would wear my nervous system down to levels I have... i'm not signed up for. And the other one, The Wheel of Fortune. So I loved The Wheel of Fortune because I like puzzles and, and I like things that I can figure out. There's a little bit of, um, randomness in there. I can't say I was ever really wonderful at the trivia games. Those were not my forte, uh, because coming up with information on the spot just wasn't a place where I felt super successful, and I know they're great games too. But The Wheel of Fortune was always fun. It reminded me of basically a very interactive hangman where you're, you know, guessing letters and, and in that case, winning prizes when I was little and switched over to cash in later years. And so I, I love that game, and I, I'm sure that it's much easier solving the puzzles at home with no pressure of the audience. But there is audience participation, helping, uh, cheering, but there isn't audience participation in the problem-solving. That's where the audience has to get quiet when y- you can't have people shouting out answers. Otherwise, that defeats the purpose of the game. So I like that the Wheel of Fortune, not only the kind of game that it is, but I like that there's, there's loud encouragement and then there's quiet thinking. And so for me, that is not dysregulating at all. It's like the best of both worlds. And I really want my community to be a little bit more like the Wheel of Fortune from that standpoint. And then there's the-- a newer game. There are many, many new, you know, game shows I'm sure you're aware of, but the one that came to my mind, next was Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? And it's a newer game, relatively speaking, and I like that you get to answer the questions solo, the partic- the players do, and that they have the opportunity to phone a friend. And that's where I find another happy balance of being offered a, a question, a problem to solve, and having in your pocket a backup for when you need a little support. And Whether you use the phone a friend or not, uh, that is part of what adds the charm to the game. And if we think about it in terms of, I mean, how many problems and circumstances does our brain work on solo every day, all day? I, I can't even imagine, especially somebody, who's a teacher working with children, raising children, where they have more questions than answers and lots of things they wanna teach us, whether we're paying attention to or not. But there's a lot of information exchange going on between these young minds. And, and every once in a while, you just need to phone a friend, and that's where some of my mom friends were really a life preserver for me. And, so important that we choose our friends and the voices we listen to with discernment, because, you know, one style of parenting might clash with another style of parenting, and it doesn't mean that that other person is wrong. It just means, you know, we have to curate the information that we're going to actually use. And I'd say some of the best mom friend moments I had were just letting me vent and not trying to be fixed. And I know that's true as, as a child. There's so many things that grownups could fix, but we do a better service for one another when we witness, and we listen, and we let them be seen, and we let them know we're listening. And again, that's the kind of community that I want to be part of and that I want to hold space for. So I'm curious to know, when is the last time somebody asked you how you're doing and then just listened to the answer? And if you don't remember the time when that happened, maybe this is your invitation to do that for somebody else today. To experience the, the joy of giving that gift, the joy of knowing how good it feels to be seen and heard, and not corrected, and not judged or compared, or experiencing any competition. But to just be, and to be enough. Just knowing that being is enough. Because honestly, you are enough. Each one of us is enough. Sometimes we have needs, and we need to be willing to ask for help, phone a friend. And sometimes help is offered, and we have to decide, um, do I, do I need that help? Do I want that help? And I, and I think possibly for me, the hardest part of all of that is actually receiving. And I've done a lot of healing work on myself about, not feeling guilty when somebody wants to be outrageously generous with me. There's nothing to feel guilty about. If somebody wants to be generous, and me not receiving that gift- If it's something that can benefit me, I'm giving them the opportunity to be wildly generous. I'm giving them the opportunity to be supportive and loving and be what I love to be. And so isn't receiving loving also? I'm not speaking from a manipulating standpoint or cheating mindset. This is about true need. This is about love. This is about reciprocal love. So, nothing would make me happier than to sit and listen to or read comments about times when you were seen or heard, or times when you had the joy of giving that gift to another. At the very least, I invite you to reminisce about it and choose to be that the next time you see somebody who needs to be witnessed. And at the very least, noticing somebody who holds the door for you and giving them an eye contact thank you. Because somehow giving them eye contact with a thank you, it's received in the body. It's not just sound waves received by ears. Thank you so much. That's an intentional piece of gratitude, right? Let's create waves of generous presence today. Let's create waves and waves of that. Let's be loud when it's time to shout on The Price Is Right. Let's be willing to phone a friend when we do need help. Let's be that friend that answers the call when somebody does phone a friend, and give them the best we have. And if we don't have anything to give, we always do because we just tell them we care. And we show it by listening and hearing and remembering. So that's how I choose to Picture Love today. How about you? Are you with me? I can't wait to hear your stories. Please give yourself the gift of telling the story. I am an eager audience for you. See you next time, friends. Keep Picturing Love. Mwah.