Welcome back to Picture Love, Friends. If you could have seen the circus that went on just a few minutes ago trying to get this recording started, you would've been laughing with me. I think. Everything from either the light would go out or the mic would go out, I had to bring in a different lamp to a dog barking to something randomly coming, unplugged. It, it just looked like chaos going on in this room and I'm being given chances to be kind to myself, kind of circumstances, opportunities to just laugh it off. Releasing expectations for perfection. Yes. Perfectionism is just not my jam. I know it is for some people, but. That is not the voice you're listening to right now. I wanted to talk to you about kindness today. You know, I heard somebody use the term kindness as a technology, and I started to look into that, and then I realized, no, actually, for me, kindness is a facet of love. And in the context of Picturing Love- Picture Love to me is more than a verb, Or a noun. Picture Love is a way of being, for me. It's choosing consciously to show up as the most loving, most real version of myself. And I can't do that for other people until I do it for myself, because otherwise it's just false kindness. It's something forced. And when I speak to you, I try to speak fully from an honest heart. So that being said, talking about kindness- yesterday, I woke up feeling everything but kindness in my heart. And I couldn't figure out because there wasn't anything that I could directly link to these emotions- why I was feeling this way. And I was just like in a funk. Have you ever been that way? You just wake up and there's no specific reason to feel that way. Anyway, I tried to examine what's going on in my heart and I just sat there. So I decided to just feel it and let those emotions say whatever they needed to say. You know, like a small child. Sometimes they're rambling and you don't really understand something they're saying, But the important thing is to listen. So I was sitting in that, and then I noticed my other family members came around, and maybe it was contagious. Maybe we were all on the same vibes, but it just stayed down. And then I realized, I attracted a conversation with somebody. Who was not only feeling down, they were feeling frustrated and needed to vent. But they didn't realize that their venting was actually attacking. And so looking back, I really did practice kindness the best I possibly could by listening, even though I wasn't completely understanding, and I certainly wasn't completely agreeing with some of the words and thoughts being shared. Coming out of that, I didn't feel less sad. I didn't feel more sad. It was just I was creating more sad. I guess I was in a loop. So the reason I'm telling you this is on topic. I decided to do something kind for myself and spent some time out in the garden. We had some plants waiting to be put in the soil. I was concerned they would get dried up in the South Carolina sun if they didn't get properly planted. So I did that. My husband helped me do some heavy lifting with the soil and digging and all that. And it felt really good. It felt good to be out in nature, and I'm not really sure what was at the root of all of those emotions, all those feelings, but eventually, as the day went on, they got a little lighter. And, the mother in me always wanting to fix, you know, put a bandaid on something, try to protect those that I love, protect my children and their friends. The protector role, I always try to fix it. And so there are very, very strong patterns of trying to fix things. And so this is really new for me to be, to give myself space and kindness, to actually sit in something and see what it wants to show me. I went to bed without really a lot of resolution, but a little bit of sunburn on my back. Oops. And it wasn't too bad, but I went to bed setting the intention that I was kind to myself today. I might not love how so many things unfolded, but I know tomorrow's a new day. I'm just gonna take the lessons of okay. Practicing kindness for myself and hopefully, hopefully my being kind to myself is a permission slip for somebody else to do the same. So I get up this morning because of course Eddie comes in howling my kitty, uh, to tell us all we need to get up and feed him. And as I'm moving around a little slower than he'd prefer, I paused to. Look at my page a day calendar. I usually don't do that first thing when I get up, but this time I just had an impulse to do it and it had the perfect message. And it said, yesterday is in the past and today is the first day of your new future. I felt so supported. That was such a beautiful affirmation in a much happier space today. And so I'm talking to you about kindness and that was, I literally chose to receive more kindness and to give myself more kindness. And look, the universe gave me that affirmation first thing in the morning- was beautiful. So as I'm looking back, gardening is not always the most practical thing to do, but there are many, many ways where we can. Practice kindness for ourselves and hopefully the world will start to mirror that back and we're hopefully being the mirror. Somebody else needs. Kindness mirror- and, maybe I was creating the pattern by focusing on it so much. There are days where I can change the channel on my emotions, but sometimes I've discover it's, it's so much easier to see it in somebody else than in one's self. Wouldn't you agree? Anyway, I noticed that when we get into patterns of frustration, it's just so easy to find other reasons to be frustrated, and instead of rehashing the many things that I did not love, I wanted to marinate in some kindness. So I opened up my ai. I said, let's have a little dialogue. Think of this as like verbal tennis. I'll make a statement. You can respond and then and volley back with a statement and let's do it on kindness. And we started coming up with these analogies and these very poetic sayings of what kindness is and what it isn't. And it felt so good. It felt so good that even though I wasn't getting a human conversation with somebody on that. AI was being a digital mirror for me and helping me go a little bit deeper, and I really found some contentment. I found some contentment in my own words. I found some contentment in my own presence, and I like to think that contentment that I found within will continue to be more reflected back to me. Because I really feel like whatever we're investing our energy in, wherever we are plugging our charger into, that's what we're gonna get more of. And I don't wanna charge my battery with more frustration. I don't wanna charge my battery with loneliness or sadness. I wanna charge my battery with kindness and love. So I'd like to offer just a little gentle warning. Maybe you've never heard it this way. Maybe you have, maybe you've shared this with somebody else and maybe you're gonna have it handed back to you. But the more we feed it, the more it grows. The more I radiate frustration or sadness, the more I'm gonna attract. So I really believe that I brought on that conversation that was not satisfying because that's where I was vibrating. That was the soil I was watering. And by doing that little exercise in my AI on kindness, I started to notice more and more kind things. And it wasn't just in me or in my social media feed. It was in nature. It was in my house. It was with my pets. And today I feel like they woke up feeling like, yep, it's a fresh day. It's a new day. We're doing fine. Don't worry. Yesterday's in the past. And it feels so good to create those patterns. So if we're gonna create patterns, let's make patterns that we want to repeat instead of dwelling on the things we don't. So that being said, if you have listened to any of my most recent episodes, you may have heard me talking about these affirmation cards that I made for myself, and I think I'm getting very close to sharing them. But anyway I drew a card this morning actually. But the thing that landed in my hand was called the Alchemy of Loneliness. And this might sound like a downer, but I promise it's not. It's not. Because the first word alchemy, meaning to transmute something, to transform it, to flip it on its head, because loneliness is kind of, a very low, dark kind of a, a place where I was yesterday. Know that sadness, it just kind of felt like, I don't want company in my misery. I wanna feel better and then have company in the feeling better. And the affirmation that came with this card says, contentment in my own presence draws others who resonate. So this is exactly what I was talking about. I wanna get myself into a real, an authentic, not a fake, happy place. And I'm willing to give myself time and space to get there and to learn what I need to pay attention to and work through in the meantime. But then once I get to that happier place, that's where I want to invest more. And I'm there right now. I am. I'm so grateful and I hope you're too.'cause if you needed a little bit of company today, consider me the friend in your ear. But we all have something to learn. And one of the kind things that I'm allowing myself is the realization that when somebody I care about is in a, a really deep, low, shadowy space, I can love them and let them. I don't mean to sound callous or dismissive, but like I needed to allow myself to work through that kind of sad, dark feeling. I, I loved myself enough to pay attention to that and be honest about it, and I can be kind to others loving by letting them do the same thing in their own time instead of trying to make them feel better, to make me more comfortable. Have you ever been around somebody who's just nervous around other people's low emotions? Most of us have noticed that if we haven't been the actual example. I know I've been on both sides of that, and I always thought it was loving to try to cheer somebody up. Then I realized that can actually be quite toxic. And so one of my approaches these days that's different is asking, do you want to be helped? Or do you just want to be heard? Because if you need to vent, and I know I don't have to put my fixer hat on. And if I know that somebody is open to being encouraged, then I have permission to do that. And so I've probably shared a version of that more than once in this podcast. But I think that it's the most loving thing I can do for myself and for the person that I'm. Focusing on at the moment to come to that understanding. What's my role in this conversation? Because I think everybody just needs to be witnessed and validated by presence. And I know I don't want friends who always feel the need to fix me, so why I wanna be that for somebody else. I don't think, uh, my intentions were ever wrong. They were just a little bit. Maybe off the mark. Yeah. Yeah. Intentions might have been sincere, but that doesn't mean they were on target all the time. And that's one thing that's so beautiful about families and friends. When we truly love each other, we get to see the imperfections, we get to see the misfires, and we get to love each other anyway. And we might not laugh about it in the moment. Eventually we can look back and at least notice. So here's to a greater awareness of what is kindness in this moment. And I had a therapist once ask me, Chris, what's the next T step you could take? What's the next kindness thing you can do for yourself for the situation? And I think. For me it's really just starting with a thought. Whether it's to witness, whether it's to offer a solution with permission. Whatever it is, to step back and let them. Because honestly, I'm not gonna stop a freight train by putting my toes on the tracks. So what could does it do to have both of my feet broken? It's not gonna do any good. My role is definitely not to be the breaks of a super train. So my question to you today, what is the next kindest thing you can do for yourself? What is the next kindest thing you can do for yourself, and what's the most recent kindest thing you notice somebody or a situation has done for you? Let's feed that. I'd like to feed kindness by honestly deciding which facet of kindness serves me now, and therefore those around me. Honestly, that's all I wanted to talk to you about today. I'd love to hear any stories of kindness that you have to share. And whether you tell me or a neighbor or just reflect on it yourself, may that kindness be the pattern that makes all the difference in your day. Because this is how I'm choosing to Picture Love, and I thank you for coming on this journey with me. I'll see you next time.