Welcome back to Picture Love Friends. A lot of stories have been coming up, like old thoughts from 10, 20, 30, 40 years ago. And it's interesting, they've been coming up to show me something new that maybe I didn't pick up back when they happened. But lately I've been thinking about, a parenthood friend of mine since I became a mom. And her name is Lily, and I wanna dedicate this episode to Lily because remembering her and remembering something that she has said about me to me in my presence many times, was very loving and very affirming what it actually inspired this topic today. So this one is dedicated to my dear friend, Lily. I love you. So one of the nicest compliments that. That she paid me, that I've ever received was, Kris, you're one of the most positive and encouraging people I know. And I, I used to brush off compliments like that, but she said it enough times that I started to. Believe her, or at least believe that she saw me that way. And it was important to me because being encouraging and being positive in the presence of other people, it matters to me because I love making a positive difference in the lives of other people. Hence the name Picture, love podcast. I wanna help people picture love in their lives. And yeah, it was more than one occasion when she said it to me and she said it to me and she said it to me in the presence of other people and it, it really felt really good. And it also felt good to have a friend see me because she saw something that was important for me to not be, not just be but to share and to radiate. And she noticed that so, thank you, Lily. And I started thinking about words and the things that we say about ourselves and about other people and their presence and in and not in their presence. And I started to realize. I've heard a lot of tug of war come out of my own mouth. And the more I'm aware of it in myself, I'm starting to notice it in other people that I know and love or that I'm around and encounter. And it's kind of this thing where these words that we speak, you know, you've heard that expression, 'words are spells'. I really didn't understand what that meant until recently. I'd say in the last couple years because the words that we speak become our truth. They do when we repeat them, you know, you have a word and you repeat them, and you add emotion to them. You get a pattern. It's a formula, and you can use it to your advantage and we can use it to our disadvantage. And one of the ways that I've noticed that I've been trying to rewrite some of my script is in dissolving these verbal tug of wars. You know, the things we say that have been coined and reused and used and they've become part of everyday speech where there's something positive, but there's also something to negate it. And when Lily used to call me. Well, I, I won't say used to not, like, we're not still friends, but I, I don't live up in Jersey anymore, so I don't get the joy of seeing her face all the time. But one of the, you know, her gifts to me was the awareness of there was no drag, there was no negative, it was only a positive. And, and when she cast that spell, so to speak, and, and, and declared what she saw in me that was. Love. That was light, that was encouragement. It felt so good. There was no drag to it. And, and I noticed that there was a lot of things I was seeing recently. I've noticed like hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. And that's something I noticed. I trace back to my teacher training, you know, when I was, in college and learning from other mentors and learning how to plan lessons and how to, how to set these kids up for success so that they could not just come into music class and make some music, but they could actually learn something, you know, and be fruitful and. Hoping for the best meant, making a good lesson plan and, and wanting the best for the kids so that they could show up and really succeed. But prepare for the worst means. Have a plan B, a plan c, you know, and it was meant to teach teachers to come into a classroom with readiness and the ability and the expertise to be able to back up and try a new approach when something didn't work, the words actually caused stuckness because I started to apply it to my life. And, you know, hope for the best, prepare for the worst made me, kind of like a two footer driver, metaphorically speaking. Oh gosh. There's a story behind that two footed driver I'll get to in a minute. But the two footed drivers, the one, you know, one foot on the gas and one foot foot on the brake, and when you're pressing both, you're not doing anything except causing dysregulation in the vehicle and in the ride and as the driver. And that's why you're not taught to be a two footed driver as far as, unless you're using a clutch. Don't, don't leave me now, but, we're not taught to drive with one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake. So speaking of my teacher days. There was one day when my car was in the shop, my husband drove me to work, dropped me off at the school, and I needed to get a ride from that school to somebody's house because the staff was having a, I think a baby shower from one of my colleagues. And so I hitched a ride with somebody who I was friendly with, but I didn't know her very well. And I had never been in her car before and the drive was less than two miles. But by the time I got out of the car, I nearly lost. My lunch because of the one foot on the gas, one foot on the brake. And no, she wasn't doing the bolt at the same time, but there was no coasting in between. There was no gradual. It was like gas break, gas break, gas break. And I'm not even sure she was conscious of what she was doing. You know, she was just a nervous driver or what have you, but it caused such diss regulation in my system that I called my husband and I said, I, I have to have you pick me up. I cannot have her drive me back to the school to meet you. Please come get me. And so coming back to this verbal tug of war, these things that we say that start out positive and they might have good intentions, but they have the, just in case, the negative aspects to them, that keeps us in loops. That keeps us in, in stuckness. And so I'd love to look at this with you a little bit, there's some that I'm sure you've said or you've heard enough, because none of these are very original. But when you look at them, they will probably trigger stories that are valuable to you or maybe you're finished with them and it's time to let them go, but that formula of words and repetition and emotion making patterns, let's see what kind of patterns we can rewrite so that they serve us better. So using the hope for the best, prepare for the worst. I, I looked at it and I'm like, okay, what is my actual desire behind this? And you know, it's kind of self-explanatory, but the new script I would recommend would be something like, the universe works in my favor. What's meant for me, can't miss me. And so that was my, my solution to the hope for the best. Prepare for the worst. It's like, how can we flip that to actually speaking to existence what we do want. So if you'll stay with me for this less bumpy ride, hopefully we can undo some mental loops in our day to day. So here's another one. Don't get your hopes up. Who's heard that before? You know the gas pedal, you know the acceleration, the forward moving aspect of that is that your desires are rising, right? When you don't wanna get your hopes up, it's like, I could get excited about something. So that means there's something wanted, and then the. The break side of that could be like brace for or expecting disaster. So when you don't get your hopes up, you're preventing yourself from being disappointed. Right. And, and so there could be, I mean, how would you reword that? Maybe. My hopes are important to me. I can feel them and handle whatever happens. That's one of the ways I chose to look at that. Here's another one. I, I literally poured through journal pages on this one. Too good to be true.' How many of you have ever said that before? I know I have. The gas pedal would be okay. Something feels amazing and the brake pedal would be like, but I don't trust that. So to flip it, we could say something like, I'm allowed to experience good things like this. Period. I'm allowed to experience good things like this. Now there's a spell worth casting, so to speak. A prayer worth reciting. I love, I love that. Okay, here's another one. "I'll believe it when I see it". like, okay, so the good is the thought of something wanted is good, right? But then the other side of that is, okay, world universe, God, whatever. Prove it to me before I show me evidence of this before I can believe it. So it's actually a lack of faith in that I'll believe it when I see it. So to untangle that stop, start, stop, start, stop, start could be, it's safe to believe and I gather evidence with gratitude. You know, it's safe to believe. So if we're open to gathering evidence, meaning noticing things, even the tiniest, tiniest little things, it could be even just a sign, like a beautiful white feather that just caught your attention on the street. So gathering evidence with gratitude, that is a powerful way of getting outta that stop start loop. All right, here's another one. If it's meant to be, it will be. So that can be a very positive thing or it can be a very negative thing. Just depends on how you speak it or think it. So if you're doing it as like a shrug, if it's meant to be, it'll be, that has such a different energy from 'if it's meant to be, it'll be', right? So that comes into like, how are you using that ingredient? But I love this version even more. What's meant for me, can't miss me. By repeating it with boldness and confidence and like childlike wonder and excitement that takes all of the break out of it and just open road ahead. Here's one that I heard myself say recently in a scam. I got, I got robbed $500. I am not proud of that. I, somebody was a very smart thief and I got taken and yeah, it stung. I'm most proud of myself for forgiving myself and being wiser, but I heard myself saying to the crook on the phone who I thought was actually my bank, I said. It is what it is when they apologize for all of the debacle on how the none of my transactions were going through. I Facebook marketplace. I was trying to make a legitimate sale and I should not have accepted Zelle. And it's a long story, but I, I heard myself say it is what it is. What the reason why it was bad is it was not coming to peace with and being present. It was a shut down phrase. It was my, yeah, there was a soft desire for things to improve, but I was in a state of numbness and there was no point in caring or choosing to fight it. I just. I froze. And so I kind of wish I had this thought stream before that, but I'm wiser now. And what I would say would be in a scenario where I'm conscious of it, this is where I am, I can feel it, and choose my next step. And to me, that feels like not giving my power away. Acknowledging my own personal sovereignty, so that feels more compassionate. It feels stronger, it feels more balanced, and it feels like a lot less breaking and gas pedal at the same time. Okay, here's another one. And there's a book that I really have enjoyed very much that came from this expression. So I'm not bashing if anybody else knows what book I'm referring to. I'm not bashing the book at all. I'm just questioning the choice of words in this very well worn phrase. "No pain, no gain". I'm sure you've already figured it out. No pain, no gain means there's a desire to grow. There's a desire to succeed. There's the desire to do something. There's some motivation in there, but the implication that the way to get success or growth or moving forward is through pain. Like, that's the only door you can take is very, very limiting. And it's saying that, suffering is the only way to get what you want. And I find that extremely restrictive. I'm sure you could come with other, come up with other words as well. So I like this one. Growth stretches me and I can expand with compassion. Compassion for myself, compassion for others, but I really, really love this one. Growth stretches me. I can expand with compassion. I hope that that helps somebody else who is on that path towards something they're trying to achieve. And, I hope that gives you a little more ease and a lot less brake pedal in the middle of your acceleration. All right, how about this one? Better safe than sorry, when it's used. To over guard when somebody is in a very, self preserving, protective, maybe defensive state of mind, better safe than sorry. It sounds like it's spoken in fear, so that means the desire is to be safe, you know, to find safety, but the overprotection of oneself or somebody else blocks any receiving that can happen. So I would suggest instead of better safe than Sorry, which I have recited more times than I can count. I am choosing to think like this. I make wise choices and welcome, ease, and support. Yeah, that's a much more confident statement, and it leaves the door wide open for ease and support to come in. Right. All right. I hope I haven't lost you yet. You probably could come up with like 50 more of these, but I, I've just got a few of these. I don't wanna jinx it. Okay. So superstition drives me bonkers. I've had a, a love hate relationship with it. I dated a baseball player once. It was so superstitious, it made me consciously aware of it. I, I've had some superstitions in my sports days, and I'm not bashing anybody who does or did, but now that I look back on it, I see that the gas pedal would be the growing excitement, and I see that the break, the harsh break would be fear that expressing it will cause loss. And I think that's sad for anybody to feel like they can't speak the good with fear of speaking, it will take it away. So how about this? Things always work in my favor. Or if you wanted to go deeper into it; naming my joy, blesses it. I'm allowed to celebrate what's unfolding. Okay. What about this one? Hmm. How many times have we heard somebody say, I'm fine, or It's fine, or now, it's whatever. That has, let's see, the gas could be, or the positive could acknowledging that there's real need. Of course, there's that. But the breaking part, the part that could be like putting you in reverse or stopping moving forward, would be to, set your needs aside for the sake of just not having a conflict. Now I believe in choosing my battles. I believe that we don't always have to agree on everything. But when we say it's fine, I'm fine. Don't worry about it. No, whatever. If we use that as a pattern to not speak our truth, that's when it becomes a really negative pattern for one's self, and that's where resentment can grow and all kinds of things that get between people and themselves and people and each other. So instead of that, I would say. My needs matter enough to notice and respond in love. So acknowledging that your needs are important. They don't have to notice it, but you have to notice it when we honor our own needs and we can respond in kindness and in love. That means sometimes we're going to make a request, set a boundary, and other times we're gonna decide it's not that important but my feelings are, my needs are. And that alone diffuses the need from other people having to understand our side, our point of view. And there are times where that's extremely freeing. And then there's other times where you say, Hmm, no, this, this really does matter. It's not fine, and I'll tell you why. And you could Speak it with love. All right, so I got two more. If it's not one thing, it's another. Okay. I'm so guilty of doing that today. So guilty of doing that today. A Y yy. So I caught myself saying that today and while journaling it, I'm like, oh, my hand is telling me off. No. Yes, but no. So it was a scenario where, you know, I'm trying to. Do some laundry and the dog's sneaking in and messing with the cat facilities and I'm trying to keep the puppy out of the, the cat litter and. I'm just trying to do one thing and then something gets my hair, gets in the in the laundry, and I get soap in my hair and I'm trying to rinse it out and the dog's eating poop and I'm, oh my gosh, more details. And it was just such a silly little chaotic moment where I felt like I can't just do a load of laundry because and I, and it's not rational it, and Oh, and that's when the phone rings. Oh. And that's when somebody else starts meowing or barking or something falls down. So, you know, it felt like, like the pets were ganging up on me while I'm just trying to, you know, and they weren't, they weren't. It was timing and it was just a feeling and it was so silly. But if I had the thought that like, hmm. Challenges are opportunities to grow and support myself, Hmm. Challenges are opportunities to grow and support myself, that that feels so much better than I'm just trying to do this one thing and 10 things go wrong, right? Ah, the relief in just from saying challenges are opportunities to grow and support myself, I'm gonna have to start writing these on like one on my hand a day or post it on my mirror because this is literally where I am growing and I invite you to join me. All right, last one for today. I'm just being realistic. Okay. Somebody I love very dearly for a long time. Loves that phrase, and it drives me a little bonkers because it's usually when we are seeing things from totally different points of view. And I giggle. So the gas pedal is the intuition, is waking up and noticing something. All right? The break is masking fear with the word realistic and calling a truth. Let that sit in for a second. So the intuition notices a possibility, but the fear called realistic is the mask, trying to sell something as truth. So, so my solution to that thought or that phrase would be. I observe my situation with calm and I hold space for miracles and better outcomes. Hmm. I observe my situation with calm and I hold space for miracles and better outcomes. So all of those are ways that I have deconstructed that formula. You know the words, the repetition, the emotion, and building patterns, and I, I deconstructed those offered better words. So maybe we can make some new patterns that make us feel better and let us show up as the kind of people we wanna be. In my case, I love being the positive person, the encouraging friend. I love playing that role. That is who I really am. And it just takes, sometimes practice finding the right words to reflect that in ways it can be received. I don't believe I am acting. I believe I'm looking for the right words to convey my heart properly. So if you wanted to use this, 30 second ritual, here are the three steps to do what I just did. With your patience and listening. To start turning these verbal tug of wars or this two footed driving, so to speak, with one's own self, there's three parts. You first need to catch it, notice it, find the true desire within it. And speak to the direction you want to move forward. So I observe my situation with calm and I hold space for miracles and a better outcome. That's what that is. Catching that little renamed fear, that's just wearing a mask. Seeing it with some compassion, not, not heavy judgment, just observation. All right. Awareness. Finding the truth. The truth is we want something more positive. We want a more desirable outcome, and speaking it in that direction. Oh, by the way, with compassion. With compassion for yourself, because when we have enough compassion for ourselves, then there's an unlimited amount of compassion for the other people who are stumbling along on the road alongside of us. I hope it helps somebody else picture love better in their lives today and going forward. And, so let's use that formula. Let's choose the right words to pair with repetition and the right emotion that gets us in the direction we wanna be, and let those be the patterns that we fill our days with and start 2026 as masters of our own word spells. Beasley agrees. I love you all and I'll see you next time.