Welcome back to picture love friends. I'm your host, Kris LeDonne. And. It is always my intention to uplift and support others. But I prefer to do it from a place of authenticity instead of a fake, happy face. And right now. I'll be honest. It's really hard for me to smile. I am recording this podcast and hoping that somebody else might. Feel less alone. If I show my belly a little bit. And I share why. I'm happy and all mixed up with chaos at the same time. And I guess it just falls under the category of making changes. And. I have as a young adult and later in my years, Heard myself say countless times that change is good. We can't grow without change. We can't heal without change. We can't improve and learn without change. And I really believe that I believe that to my core. But sometimes those changes. Will there always uncomfortable just to what degree of uncomfortable are they? Right. And right now, a lot of my changes. Are. Kinda kinda lonely, honestly. I have beautiful people in my life who I love and I'm so thankful for. And not as many of them live with me anymore. Because new chapters. And if you've been around before, you know, I'm new to this empty nest thing, I think it's going quite well considering, but we're also getting ready to list the house and move and leave an area of the country where I've, this is where I've actually lived here. The longest in my life so far. So it's a little, it's a lot. It's a little, a lot. I know that doesn't make grammatical sense. But from an emotional standpoint, maybe somebody can relate. And two of the areas where I'm finding the most stickiness. Is in places where I have to say no in order to be true to myself. And I need to ask for help. And I'm doing both of those things, but boy, they're really, really uncomfortable. So, if you don't mind, I'm just going to share a few stories. And if this is not what you need to hear right now, and you don't need to relate to anything about. Growing and making changes regarding those categories. And I totally understand. But I'm sure I'm not the only one who has some challenges in these categories? So. Saying no. You know, I've had more than one mentor say in my presence. No is a sentence. But I grew up believing that I always had to give a reason an excuse. So maybe that was some of my schooling because, you know, I went to school as a student and then I went to school to be a teacher. And then I was a teacher and there's a whole lot of explaining that takes place in that environment. And then there's always the people pleaser. Who. Is convinced that it's their job to. Make other people happy and that often causes a lot of self explanation behaviors. And honestly, we don't always owe an explanation. I mean maybe young children do in certain circumstances so that there. Parents, their mentors can help them guide and learn better ways of making decisions. Although I really think we have more to learn from kids than they do from us. Because there are so tapped into who they really are before other programmings kick in. But the saying no for me is actually. The kind where I'm removing myself from certain areas, certain categories, certain circles, where people expect me to be there and I've made a great habit of showing up and found pride in my reliability and my loyalty showing up. Even though some of my belief systems have grown and changed and evolved through the years, but. Showing up in certain places through the years while these beliefs are shifting. But those circles, the conversations aren't changing. Made them less and less aligned. So I felt like I was actually being dishonest by showing up in some of these circles. Where it just doesn't resonate. And it doesn't mean I don't love every single one of those people. But I believe that there is space. To have differing perspectives and differing points of view. And differing expectations. While we love one another. And. So I found myself, not showing up in some circles and saying goodbye And. There were questions. Why? And I found myself revisiting old patterns where. I would normally try to explain myself, so I don't hurt anybody's feelings. so I don't upset anybody or don't offend them. But this time. I'm more aware of the fact that. You know, what, what people think of me? Is really none of my business. And I don't want to act in harm towards anybody else, but I need to start honoring myself and being true to me. So. Some of my answers were. I don't think you should expect me anymore, but I will let you know. If I have an opening and I will show up if I can. If it resonates, another answer was. I it's just time to move on. And there have been times in my life where I wish somebody loved and cared about me enough to say it's just time to move on. It's time for a chapter instead of ghosting. So I'm trying to practice what. I wish. Other people offered me. The gift of, of loving, compassionate communication is such a beautiful thing. Even if you are busy saying no. And no doesn't mean, I don't care about you. No doesn't mean I'm betraying you. But the way we had these expectations of ourselves and one another, can be so, so limiting and so oppressive. Over time as it takes root. So the other thing I'm really finding sticky is asking for help and. That might sound quite hypocritical. Well, I'm going to give myself grace and say, I'm learning. Because how many people do I serve all the time who have to learn how to ask for help? And then I'm so eager to help them. I'm so eager to serve in the skills and. The abilities that I have helped them fill a gap. It brings me joy when, when there's something I really know. Well, And they need that and I can serve them with those skills. I hope you can resonate with that. But turning the table. There is a time where all of us need to ask for help, whether it's simply hiring an electrician. Or an extra pair of hands or somebody to clean the house or walk the dog. Or an administrative assistant or new staff members because the company's growing. There's so many times where asking for help. Is very difficult because honestly for me, The biggest barrier is trust. And trusting that somebody is actually going to show up.. Now granted, a lot of my circles were known to say things like, if I want something done, right, I have to do it myself. Or why would I hire somebody to do something? I am perfectly capable of doing myself. But then again, if that was the case across the board, I would never have a client because what I do, isn't rocket science. But when my clients come to me and they need help with those pictures and they want something beautiful made and they just don't have the bandwidth or they know they're not going to finish the project. Then they know they can rely on me to get it done. And I take pride in filling that gap for them. And the same goes when I want to hire somebody to help me deliver that job, I have to be willing to trust that they are going to serve to the best of their ability. And I have to be committed to making sure that they have all of the communication and the. Information they need in order to show up for me and my business. So it's definitely a learning curve. It was, I am, I've just been hyper, hyper independent for too long. And just feeling like I have to do everything and you know, something just because we are able to do so many things doesn't mean we need to make all those things are priority. My gosh, we're supposed to be here enjoying a human experience, enjoying our relationships. And if we're busy overburdened with obligation that keeps us running ragged. I am lecturing myself right now. Can you tell. Then how much living and loving of life can happen. If we're exhausted and empty? And also asking for help and just trusting the hands to get it done. Of course, with good communication, maybe training for that onboarding that new person. Asking for that extra, you know, it's important to, you know, hire with discernment. Of course and allow somebody communication training. Guidelines. Feedback so that they can successfully do a job and feel good about it while helping us out. And then feel good about paying generously. I mean. I had a friend helped me out with some of the, you know, the decluttering and the packing up for this, this move. And. And she said, I just don't like taking money from friends. I'm like, well, you're not taking anything from me. You're helping me. And you're letting me be generous by compensating you for a skill you do really well. And I need that help. And it felt so good to see. A light bulb go off and to see how she changed her direction. And let me be generous. By compensating her for helping me for something. She is actually not just good at, but trained in. So. Yeah. Letting go and knowing it's okay to sit down and do my work while she's packing up these donations and packing up stemware and packing up books and scrapbooks for me, it's, it's good to show somebody you trust them. It's good to teach ourselves. We can receive help. And there's nothing wrong with receiving help from loved ones, just because without the. Obligation to feel like we owe them. That's a whole other ball of wax. So those are two areas where I have found myself a little. A little bit. A little bit, Uncomfortable. But I know they're important things to learn. I hope that. As I am interacting with these other people that I'm not leaving. Problems in my wake. But I am doing it checking in with my heart so that I am. Picturing love in my actions. And I am. Doing the best I can to let them do the best they can. And that to me today, Is how I'm picturing love. Thank you so much for listening today. I'd love to know what your thoughts are. I'd love to know. What are your growth edges? What are you working on today that you still find a little bit sticky or what is a lesson you've gotten after getting through the sticky areas? That you want to share with me? I would love to hear from you. Click the link in my bio and send me a note. I would love to here you are picturing love better in your life too. I'll see you next time.