0:38

Hi friends. I've got another heartfelt and meaningful conversation to share with you today. And some of the themes are not just being authentic, but actually having to start over. Uh, laughing at oneselves and even reminiscing over old memories. I'm so excited to share Christy Fontaine with you. Here we go.

Kris LeDonne 0:59

Christy. I am so happy to have this conversation with you today. Thank you for coming on Picture Love Thank you for having me. Oh, it's my pleasure. I first spoke with you on your podcast, hold my shovel. And I love the energy. I love the intention behind your show. Would you mind just introducing podcast I'd be happy to. It's called Hold My Shovel podcast, You know, stop digging through life and start talking about it because we all have stories. We all have epic tales, adventures. We all have so many choices that have been threaded together through our decades, our our lifetime, and it Stitches us to who we are. Maybe the circumstances that were not yours to make, to the choices that you made or funny stories Anything in between on a my show, there is no 1 subject, which is kind of beautiful. It allows people to just come as you are. Anything goes, any story goes. I don't care if it's Sad, silly, crazy, adventurous. Oh my god. Mhmm. Anything in between goes. Yeah. Um, so you could come back multiple times and have different subjects and different stories. And, uh, I'm having a lot of fun with it. I've met So many amazing people so far, and I'm just beginning. So I'm thrilled. Uh, well, I know that you had to make some arrangements. Talking to me from your truck, for example. That's right. A woman who will make it work. I love that, but that is something that podcasting affords us. We can actually be in real life so that's why I mentioned the fact that you're speaking to me from your vehicle because Yeah. We It's okay. What we need to. I just feel like authenticity is key, and I just come at face value. Um, I'm maybe brutally honest. I don't sugarcoat anything. I really fly by the seat of my pants every single day of my life, and I throw caution to the wind always. And I think for me, I just pick up vibe and flow a lot. And I was just like, you know what? I'm just gonna come sit down to this. It's a local walking park where I'm sitting, and it's sunny out. It's a whole 26 degrees. Or And I'm more comfortable right here in my little studio on wheels, we'll call it. And it's just it's it's fine. This is this is where I'm comfortable too. So Yeah. It it's all good. And I have fun remembering our first conversation on Hold My Shovel because we were having some technology interruptions. It was weird. It was like the universe is saying, wait a minute. Pause here. Wait a minute. Pause here. And that was probably 1 of the first episodes that I had to edit, and I was giggling through the whole thing because I had to stitch it so we wouldn't lose listeners. Um, but it was hilarious because we kept getting dropped And we kept rolling with it, so it's okay. I think we deserved, like, a a ribbon for that, for perseverance. Yeah. And we laughed all the way through it because that's the way We did. It's perfect. There was nothing unperfect about it. It was great. Yeah. Well, can I just say that I like the idea of hold my shovel, meaning, if I speak it as a question, will you hold my shovel? Yes. And learning learning to ask for help and and allowing assistance this morning. It's just like almost anything that could go wrong did before talking to you. And it wasn't tech related this time, but that's just life. And Right. Definitely, I gave myself some time to just meditate and chill and just I'm sorry. Reconnect with who I am. And then all of a sudden, I could laugh about it Yes. Finally. And it's almost it's almost like, you know, us women, we'll go to this into the store for just 2 things without a basket or hand basket. And by the time you get to the checkout, you have everything on each finger and tucked away and within your arms and, um, get to the shelf and you unpack it. And I'm in Maine, so it's a bring your own bags state. Mhmm. So a lot of times, I absent mindedly forget my bags all the time. And, um, depends if, you know, what I had carried in. And people are like, oh, do you want a bag? Nope. So reconfigure all this stuff and bring it back out to my vehicle. And and the point is It's okay when people ask, you know, do you want that bag? Can I hold your shovel? We just we take on, take on, take on to the point where we have not even a pinky finger to grasp on to, like, that 1 last little or to carry around or whatever that might be. And, um, it's okay. It's okay to let things down. It's okay to be like, Yeah. Open that door for me and It's it doesn't make you less of anything. It just makes you a little bit more vulnerable to being like, thank you. Thank you for helping me. That's okay. Yeah. Because we can only control our end of it. We can't control somebody else's response or somebody else's instinct. Do you know? And for somebody who's a little bit less willing to hold the shovel when asked, I'm also learning on the other side of that. I Don't get to decide how they feel about it. And if they're not very willing, I don't have to take it personally. Never. No. And it could be they just haven't learned the joy of holding somebody's shovel because it is a joy. You know, when I have a friend who's asking me to help them with something, and it's something that I know I can do, I'm grateful for the opportunity show them I love them and to to to be there for them. There is such joy in in literally holding somebody's shovel for them when you Absolutely. When it's done with intention instead of obligation. Yeah. Sometimes, you know, you'd like to hit them with their show, but don't. Yes. Yeah. There's that too. There's that too. I'll hit you with my shovel podcast. Maybe that's coming next year. That could be the dark Side View That could be the dark side. I love that idea. Little yin yang. When we were getting ready to start recording today, you also talked about just living in the flow. And I just I know it's not about pictures, but it is about picturing, you know, better ways of living. Absolutely. It might not be a physical picture in your hands. Right. But metaphorically, we are all holding our own big picture. Yeah. And I try to live in the now Because yesterday doesn't exist anymore. Tomorrow is not promised. Right. I have learned so much in this past year that when I look even back a year ago, I can almost not even recognize a person who I had become for, you know, 20 years. And I've just woken up within the like I said, the last 12 months have been pivotal and blowing my own mind, um, to the person who I've become because I saw that picture. I saw maybe a year ago to who I could be coming, and it's and it's developing. It's not it's not quite out of the dark room yet, and that's okay. Yeah. But it's developing. So I believe that, you know, in the premise of your podcast and the subject is a picture, I think You yourself are a never ending developing picture. To never stop developing, to keep growing your picture, keep growing your album, keep growing your visions, um, Because it's such a beautiful state to be in when you don't give much worry. You don't give, Attention to things that don't matter, to let go of things that don't serve you or that are not yours to carry. Those all of those don't belong in your dark room. Right. Those those don't help you develop. And when you can take away all the things that you thought or who you thought you might have been and throwing away the layers that don't belong. It's It's crazy. And so inner work is very, I think in this modality of the life that we're living in now, I think mindfulness is kind of coming to the forefront to be acknowledged, to be welcomed, to be normalized, and to do inner work. I don't go to therapy, and I don't diss that. I went briefly, probably over a year ago because I was in a relationship where I thought it was something I was doing wrong,, which I'm not perfect. I figured out the problem was not necessarily me. It was probably within me to figure out how to navigate around that problem. And it was just time for me to get up and go. There's lessons in that. Right? So many. And, you know, I had lived, 16 years with, uh, my children's dad and then 4 with another relationship. So I I really stopped and thought, You know, for 20 years, I've been someone who's just been stuffed away. I don't know who I am anymore. And, I was like that old photo in the box. Right. You just you take a snapshot of your life at that time, and you throw yourself into the pile of who you, were. And, you know, you keep you keep doling yourself out to everybody else. And I think when I stepped back and kinda looked at the picture of myself, I didn't like it. And, it's like I it's almost like I took Little cans. Remember film? You take your little cans into the drugstore. Send them off for 2 weeks. You never know it's coming back. So it's kinda like I am that little can of film, and I'm throwing it out to the universe, and it hasn't come back yet. And that's okay. Yeah. And I don't I I don't know what's gonna develop. Yeah. But you know it's coming back, and you know it's going to be a discovery. That. And it's going to be a whole other picture. Yeah. It's gonna be a whole other photo of myself, a whole other who knew? And, I think that's Kind of the beautiful pocket that I'm in at life right now is that I'm open to everything. And I'm not Dismissing anything? I feel like I'm so much more free. I feel light. When you get rid of that heaviness that doesn't belong to you, You you can kinda see colors differently too. I don't know. It's just like this really cool, fantastical journey that I'm on to rediscover And redevelop myself. And it's been a beautiful ride so far. So May I make an observation I'm hearing messages of curiosity. I'm hearing messages of self awareness. I'm hearing messages of self compassion. Yeah. And I'm I'm just hearing, um, I'm hearing love in your voice for yourself to and and maybe your little self too. Whatever anybody identifies as, their little person, does need tending to. Yeah. And I think that I did not know what self love was. Yeah. And how can we really love somebody else when we really don't Oh, yeah. I am I am so there. I realize now that past relationships with either, partners or friends or any kind of partnership Does not exist unless you truly love yourself. It doesn't matter if it's a work relationship or, your job itself, the people you work with. The everyday woes that we put ourself through And even, you know, whether it's a marriage or, a long term relationship you cannot get back if you are not completely in tune with yourself. And love's not a vain thing. Like, oh, I love myself. I look like crap all the time, and I don't care. Right. Like, I I am probably the most un woman woman. Like, I don't know how to put on makeup. But it's like mascara on a fancy night, um, and maybe a little lip gloss, And maybe I can pull off a decent hair day. That stuff to me does not define my day. Like, I would walk outside looking like a hot mess every day, And the true people who love me are like, oh, you're you're cute or you look beautiful. I'm like, Yes. They just see me at face value because I just They see who you really are. They see who I am, and that's who I am, and that's who I love. Yeah. Um, and I think that's important because I think a lot of people, See, back to your podcast is the picture. They they picture themselves as what they think people want to see them as. Yeah. And I think when people, when they spend too much time outwardly, you know, primping and making themselves Instagram ready for the world, It's not real. The societal norms don't bring you happiness. I mean, I mean, maybe for some people, but Maybe maybe short term? Short term. Yeah. But it's gratification. It feels great. Look at that. I got 17 likes because My hair is on point today. That is an addiction. Yes. But I just feel like, Humor has always been my sidekick and has gotten me out of so many, I don't wanna say, you know, situations because life is a situation. Right. Um, and I just find that so many people take things so much more seriously than they need to. People are more, um, hyperfocused and hypercritical and very easily, reactive and offended. And it's like, woah. Woah. Woah. Just step back. Yeah. Just step back and just laugh. Right. I mean, half the things that people get upset about is just laughable. You know, it's just finding Finding some humor in your day. Even, you know, the best subject that I laugh at all the time is myself. I am the most self deprecating person, and it's like, I laugh Myself. I make mistakes all day long. Who better than to have my own captive audience myself? But you can do that with the spirit of love. Like you could say, I crack me up all the time. Up. Yeah. And 1 of my best My husband laughs at me because I say it a lot. Yeah. 1 of my best friends was at work the other day, and she messaged me later on that night. And she said she thought of something funny, which was ridiculous, and, Was giggling, and she had to stop herself from laughing because people would have thought she was a lunatic stuck in a corner. And, she said it's so amazing that you made me laugh from another state away. Aw. And so I love that. My day is me. Yes. So this this recording, you know, listeners are not getting to see how big and bright and warm your eyes got when you said that. Your face just lit up. But knowing that we have caused a positive reaction in in another human that we care about is so empowering, and I think that's where my reminiscing addiction comes from. I just I I tasted the punch, and now I just try to manufacture and share it with as many people as possible because when I'm talking about picture love, it's because, well, reminiscence is too hard to spell. And picturing love, meaning, you know, like, marinating in the good stuff, a discovery of, Oh my gosh. I used to think I was an ugly kid, but I was just going through an awkward stage. Now I can look back and giggle at the clothes that everybody wore back then. And I could say, you know what? I was a cute kid, and there's nothing wrong with that. And there's everything right with that. Right? I think that you just hit the nail on the head as far as, like, we all are ugly ducklings as kids. You know, the gawky stages, maybe the the weird teeth, the weird hair, the oh my god. I can't believe I wore that too. You know, and it and then it's styles. And when we looked like that, everybody did. So it's not just we stuck out. We were all collectively weird. It's okay. Um, but, you know, that old saying is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, And we could be walking together through the county fair, which is great for people watching. And I can guarantee you that if you find the most roughed up looking person, whether they you know, let's let's let's pick on an old man right now. Let's find An older gentleman that's got some weathered skin, some wrinkles, a beakguard, maybe a ripped up flannel. Mhmm. And there's just something cool that gravitates you towards him. I can guarantee that you are going to have a better conversation and a takeaway and wisdom patches from this gentleman To me, I gravitate towards those eclectic random souls that have those stories because Yeah. He is the picture of Life. He is a picture, you know, of he knows something. He's has seen a thing or 2. And not that the pretty Instagram ready Teenage girl doesn't have a story. She might have a beautiful life. Sure. And, um, but I just don't think that she loves herself as much as the old man with the wrinkles. To think she can. Yes. And we'd like to influence her to just Love who she really is. Yeah. Her authentic self. And discover who that is. Yeah. And it's just like when you're in places like that, you take snapshots of these people in different walks of life and kind of imagine without speaking to them. I wonder what their story And and that in itself is a kind of a cool thing to do. Well, for that same reason you just explained, I think that's why I'm drawn to babies. Because babies have not adopted societal rules or those expectations, they just Come knowing who they are, and their basic needs are there. And it's no wonder why they laugh and smile so much because people act like goofballs around them. Oh, completely. Safe to act like a goof in front of a baby because you're gratified by their reaction, you know, and their attention, And they're there to just observe you. Babies are wonderful and untapped. Yes. And then Life unfolds, and the human experience gives us other information that maybe makes us forget who we were. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, big time because I think that he probably starts off in elementary school with peers. Even before that even before that, we could go on all day. You look back into your mental Rolodex, and it goes back really far to where where we could draw the line of where things might have stopped being inspirational to be who we were supposed to be. Yeah. Well, Christy, you and I both were born before digital photography. Yes. And so we we grew up and we talk about developing photos and things like that. That being said, I think when we were children, it was a little bit more common to have photo albums. Yes. They weren't they weren't something you ordered online to have printed and shipped to your mailbox. They were something where we develop the photos. They Put them on, usually, sticky pages, and Yes. Get yellowed and turn into these weird stripy things. But But albums in laps were more of a thing in the analog days. You had told me you had some memories of looking through albums as a Kid and especially some funny ones. I would love if you wouldn't mind, give us a little piece of your reminiscing. Well, I just remember the crack of the album. You know, when you first find a photo album. Yes. And I was just giggling inside when you said the in the glue on those sticky pages get those weird stripy things. Yes. My mom had an old vacuum box back I mean, they were married in the seventies. I think she had a filter queen. Filter queen had since died, and the vacuum box turned into the photo box where we would find albums and frames. And, I mean, I would just stay in there for hours and just looking through stuff. And I remember, you know, through holidays or maybe sometimes in a family's passing or birthdays coming up, or We would recollect a certain photo, and we would go back to that big old padded vacuum box and look for a said photo. And I got so good at it where I'd be like, I knew which album said photo would be in. And not to forget, there's something there's a smell with photos. Just like old books at a library. There's Yeah. I don't know if it's the ink or, like, the older they had, like, this. I can almost smell it right now. Chemicals and a little dust sprinkled in. Chemicals, dust, and age. Yeah. It is a beautiful mix. And, um, I remember looking through my parents' wedding album. They were married in 76, and, Yeah. The tuxedos all had the ruffly fronts. Oh, yeah. Um, like whipped cream ruffles. Yes. All the women had, like, pastel,, bridesmaids dresses, which were horrible. And they all had floppy hats to go with it. And, um That was a thing. Oh, big time. I, uh, I should rip I should go to my mom's, take a picture of it, send it to you if you need some, um, literature for because it's hilarious. Um, and, you know, there was a lot of, Deceased grandparents that I had never met or people, you know, I would grow up saying, who's this, who's that, who's that. And it was just a thing to flip through. And, um, And, god, my parents were so young. They were maybe 21, 20 yeah. They had just turned 21, so they were babies. And my mom was actually 4 months pregnant when they got married, and that was the big secret. Secret's been out for, like, 47 years. We're good. Uh, I have no spoiler alert. It was my it was my she they were pregnant with my sister that was 1 photo album that I really enjoyed going through. That's That's that's how I reminisce is just through Yeah. All these old photos. Which is kind of fascinating. And then, of course, I've gotten my own yearbooks and, which would be kind of a cool podcast too if you could sit down and interview people that you graduated with. Oh my gosh. That would be a really fun conversation. Maybe you should do a mini series. Maybe you should do a series. Would be really fun. Yeah. But Who's holding whose shovel today? Yeah. Yeah. Let's hold everybody's shovel on the yearbook pod. Yes. And then, you know, photos, I have boxes and shoe boxes from when I was in college, and those are good memories. Yeah. Um, and then by the time I had my children, I still have a lot of paper photos, but then they went to digital. Right. In the past, oh, God, 5 to yeah. Over the last 5 years, I've moved times. So a lot of my stuff's in storage and, um, some of the photos got stuck to the glass Frame, and I cannot take them off without ruining it. There's just there's no dice unless I sent it to some absolute professional. It's better to just scan it when it's on the glass and start fresh reprinting. Yeah. Yeah. And it's really sad to know that some of these are the last and final copies, No. Because they didn't come with negatives I'll have to go through my all my photos and really take good care of them. So they're preserved, and they're saved for the next generations. And, photos are so cool. They're they are nostalgic, and you can reminisce. And the best thing about the old photos is it takes you back to that day. Sure. If you were if you were there in photos are, you know, around the time. And you can kinda remember, like, oh, this is a day we went to such and such a place, and so and so was there. And Yeah. That's the true beauty behind a photo. Right. They're just really they're they're fun. I like the thought of using them to measure back instead of to stay in the past, but to see what is what is the best part of these stories for today. What is today deserve from the past? That. Christy, You had mentioned that you had a really fun, college photo story that you wanted to share. You're smiling. I wanna hear it. I know. I wanna hear it. So I am, like, the original and forever goofball. And, on college graduation day, we honor goofballs on picture love. Carry on. Yeah. So I was graduating from culinary school, and I don't remember exactly why or how this thought got into my head, but I had this big afro wig. And it would often go to a lot of our parties and get passed around, and we would we would wear it for fun. So I remember being in the hallway. We were all kinda, like, Kind of lined up. And, um, I had the Afro wig in my hand and some sunglasses and my instructor walked by and he stopped and he goes, You're gonna wear that? And I said, I want to, but, you know, that trepidatious like, oh, no. What are people gonna think. And I said, I want to because how funny would it be? And he looked at me in the eye and he goes, do it. You know, the the 20 years goes by real fast, and you can look back and you can say, this was a really fun story, and guess what I did on my college graduation. So I said, awesome. So I ran to the girls' room and my we bobby pinned my cap to the Afro wig, Put it on, put my sunglasses on. And I remember walking out under the tent and there I saw my parents. And I remember just locking eyes with them, and my parents are the most amazing stoic. They're they're just amazing people. And I remember their I can still see their faces. They both had this smirk, and their head was shaking like, there she is. They were not surprised. Um, But this is where the photo comes in, is that they were not ready to see me come out like that. So and I don't know if they had a but my grandparents did. So supposedly and I may have only seen the photo My grandmother had snapped a picture of me and said Afro wig and college cap pinned to it. And it's 1 of those weird things that, a, I don't know if I saw it, and b, I think I did. You know, like, I don't even know if this photo even exists, but I think did. Mhmm. And My grandparents have since passed, and I do not know where that photo, if it exists, where it is. Mhmm. But I need to track it down. So that's on my That's definitely on the the universe. Call it in and someday figure out where the piles and boxes of grandma's photos, are, because the proof is in there. Um, but it was just the the story of live. Yeah. Be yourself. Who cares? Yeah. No 1 knows. I'm sure anybody that was under that tent back in 2000. I don't know the year. Uh-huh. Uh, I think it was. Uh, I think, let's say, almost 24 years Right. I don't think anybody tonight at their dinner table would be like, do you remember that idiot woman who her Afro wig During her her graduation. I don't think anybody tonight that was under that tent will talk about my memory. And that's Just the premise of just being yourself. Just let it go. Maybe there's a picture behind a story. So that's, that's more of a curiosity and the mysterious part of part of the story is a I hope it exists. Yes. Yes. But at the meantime, you've got this really entertaining story and memory I do. To share. I do. And you can picture love even if you're not holding the photo. No. It's true. And that's why I think that's what makes the story so much more fun is that Your podcast is about photos, and I have a maybe photo memory. Yeah. I have a maybe photo. That's the Funny part is that, you know, all these years have gone by and I've kind of, you know, dismissed it. I haven't thought of it every day of my life. Right. And I'm actually surprised that I remembered to think of it when you evoked that question out of me. It's like, oh my god. That that 1 photo. Well, maybe it maybe it'll surprise you and mysteriously show up when you get those photos out of storage. Stranger things have happened. I'll have to ask my mom where Grammy's boxes of photos went. I love when you look at, um, grandparent photos or or elders in our families, you know, our loved ones who precede us and you find handwriting with them. Because Yes. When I see handwriting, it it brings back the sound of their voice for me. So when I, um, I'm working with a client right now, and she's making, um, gift albums for her grand grandkids, um, because her husband just passed a year ago. Oh. And so so she compiled, um, a collection of photos through the years of the grand of each grandchild with their grandfather and their cousins and, of course, you know, the whole family. And, um, they're really beautiful. And then I said to her, I was like, yeah. Okay. Inside the book cover because they're actual scrapbooks. She said, I want I want an Actual Scrapbook. So they're they're small. But they're something they can hold. And, I said to her, listen. I can calligraphy the inside book plate, but it would be really special if when they open the cover, they're seeing their grandmother's handwriting, and they're hearing your voice in their mind. And she's like, oh, okay. I said you can practice on a hundred post its if you want if you if it makes you feel Better. But, something about that that penmanship. Christy, thank you so much for sharing your heart, your story, a little bit about your Podcast and your journey. I can't wait to follow you along and share updates I'm just so grateful to you. I'm grateful for you too. And I'm glad that I was able to spend time with you today. And if anybody has Interesting stories or tales or an epic adventure that they would like to be featured on my podcast. They can reach me at Any of my platforms are easily I'm easily reachable. So Perfect. Well, I will like I said, I will make sure that they are there for the grabbing. Christy, have A beautiful, beautiful day. Thank you for picturing love with me today, and I cannot wait to hear what's next. Perfect. Thank you for having me. My pleasure.

32:14

And the style of one of my most beloved mentors, Cathy Heller. I have some takeaways from you. Number one it's okay to ask for help receive help. And it doesn't make you less of anything. Number two, there's a joy on holding somebody else's shovel when we do it from a place of intention and not obligation. Three. A lot can be learned from looking at a picture of ourselves a year ago to measure back and decide what went well. And how we might need to grow going forward. For there's so much joy and freedom. When we just let go of old beliefs and stories that don't fit us anymore. Five, we can never fully love somebody else. If we don't love ourselves first. Six humor is a tool of resiliency that allows us to laugh at ourselves and find hidden joys in the imperfections of life. Seven. Laugh out loud and don't worry. Who's looking eight reminiscing through old photos can reconnect us to our roots and it's important to protect them so that they can be enjoyed and shared when they're needed most. Nine, even when you can't find that special picture, there's still joy and retelling special moments and 10 never underestimate a handwritten note.